K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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