I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you traded sex for a burrito?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
