Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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