I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
