It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
