I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
