I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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