He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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