remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
