Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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