so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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