dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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