i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
