I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
