I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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