My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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