Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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