and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize