You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
