I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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