now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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