I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
