Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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