Where did you get a picture of my penis
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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