Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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