Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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