I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
