tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Someone came in the potted fern
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
