Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
