we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
