I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
