I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
