What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
