I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
