I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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