For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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