You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
