Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
