You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
