I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
