I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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