there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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