No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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