that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Of course I have a pirate flag
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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