im about as happy as oj after his trial
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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