Are we in a gay sports bar?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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