You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
