Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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