How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
