he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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