I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
