So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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