and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
