he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
