the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
